Why can’t we do couples therapy if there is violence in the relationship?
Why Can't We Do Couples Therapy If There Is Violence In The Relationship?
Couples therapy is generally sought out when there is discord in the relationship. Often, that discord is left to fester far longer than it should before help is requested, making violence in a relationship a frequent issue for people seeking couples counseling. So why can't we do couples therapy under these circumstances if it's so common?
The simple explanation is safety. Therapy can be a very provocative experience, in both individual or couples therapy. Emotions get stirred up and processed, and from those experiences change is made. It can be a really healing experience. You are taught new and more functional ways of dealing with stress and intense emotions. When there has already been a precedence set in the relationship for processing emotion through physical or emotional violence we need to learn some new coping skills first to ensure the safety of all parties.
This does not mean that couples who have violence in their relationships cannot get counseling. The professional standards indicate that both parties attend individual counseling first until stability has been achieved, and then they can move into couples counseling. All parties in the relationship must feel and be safe for therapy to have any kind of effective impact.
If you are in an abusive relationship or think you may be, you are not alone. 1 in 4 women and 1 in 7 men in the United States have found themselves in severely abusive relationships (http://www.goodtherrapy.org/learn-about-therapy/issues/domestic-violence). As difficult as it may be to seek out help, know that when you are ready, I am here for you.
Resources
San Diego Access and Crisis Line – Dial 211 for 24/7 service
The National Domestic Violence Hotline
If you have questions, comments, or concerns, please call us at 858-829-8206 or reannonketabian@gmail.com
Reannon Ketabian
MA, LMFT, CMHIMP
